And I still don't really know how to express these thoughts, but I figured that this was the best place to try.
So, I'll give it a go.
This morning I woke up feeling.. serene, inspired, happy, warm, content, empty, simple.
Serene, because the limited amount of light that my lace curtains allows creates the perfect lighting to wake up to thats easy on the eyes. And because it was absolutely quiet.
Inspired, because I read ThoughtCatalog the moment I woke up and read so many beautiful pieces that made my heart hurt, but in a good way.
Happy, because I was in my own bed at home which happens to be my favoritest place in this world, and because I knew that I had spent an extremely fortunate night with my family and friends and I had so much to live for and be thankful for.
Content, because all of the above stated just makes you a happy person, you know?
Empty, because I was searching for the thud and the panic and the realization of real life usually consumes me to bring me back down.
Simple, because I realized that for at least today, that my only task, was to be happy.
I think that was a sufficient recount of how I felt this morning.
But I still feel like I have so much more to say.
Alright, so this is round two.
Serene-
I woke up in the same position that I went to sleep in; I had a great night's sleep. My room was clean and I was surrounded by the softest blankets, and my favorite zebra print bed spread. The point where my painted over white brick wall met the hardwood floor. The sheer, almost floor length lace curtains. My empty bulletin board. The modest CD collection of albums I'd stolen from my brother over the years. The stacks of portfolio bins, canvases, bristol pads lined up against the wall. The small pile of clothes messily thrown against the corner of my room. It was so perfect to me, like the ultimate combination.
OKAY. So here's the deal, I got really distracted and so now I'm finishing this blog post the next morning after.........
Inspired-
Oh dear god. I have to rant about how amazing the stories on ThoughtCatalog were so good yesterday. Like so beautifully heart wrenching. Reading them made my heart hurt. The types of ThoughtCatalog pieces that I search through pages for, and there were four of them all on the home page. It made my day. It made me want to experience something equally as painful or equally as beautiful. Dear god I was so impressed. I read each one over and over. Laying down in bed reading ThoughtCatalog with my 'Visionaire' playlist quietly playing in the background...Inspired.
Happy-
Waking up on your own accord is always a pleasant thing. And then when you wake up in your own warm, comfy bed at home after months of a shitty ass dorm room, life starts feeling really good. I could slowly start hearing the buzz of my parents making breakfast in the kitchen. I could see my dog trotting around outside from my window. I remembered silly things that my friends said the night before. I don't know I was just happy.
Content-
Like I said, all of the above things just makes someone very content. Like like tingly sensation you get that's kind of like hitting your funny bone, but in a good way. I couldn't help but to grin.
Empty-
I've ranted before about how happiness never really lasts. So I was waiting for the moment to come. The thud of realization, something I had momentarily forgotten. It was kind of panic actually rather than empty. But I did feel empty as well. I was panicking because perhaps I had forgotten to do something, forgotten about someone. And I did. I had forgotten about the work I had to do and I had forgotten about people, but for some reason, that was kind of okay with me. And I guess that's what made me feel empty. The fact that these things that once consumed my thoughts for the past six months kinda really didn't matter anymore, and didn't amount to much. That was empty. Because what was I supposed to do now?
Simple-
There is not much to say. I was laying down in bed having an extremely lazy day. I read internet articles in a heated room, while my parents were making breakfast for me.
I wish i had finished this blog post yesterday.. I was so much more motivated and inspired to write something cool and something attempting beautiful, but uhm, today I am not. So I'm finishing this post here.
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