GIA: Incredibly self-centered and slightly neurotic.

I need to leeeaaaavvvveeeee thiiiiisssssss ciiitttttyyyy.
I need to learn how to be independent.
I can't wait until i'm 19.
19 is supposedly the age where we have fnally "found" ourselves.
aka developed who we are as individuals
i wish that i could be myself as a 19 year old
and then make my decision on where i want to go to college.
How will i know whether what i want is for real; something that my 19+ self will love doing, or just some stupid self
that my 17 year self is stuck in?
I want to escape to new york.
get lost in the city get lost in the people get lost in the streets get lost in the subways
i've never really done something alone
i've never really done anything on a whim
and its scary to think about but
knowing that chris is there is all i need
a big brother to be there when i need him
to step back when i don't

so do i choose the school i know i will love, or the school that i might or might not love?
do i pick a school that i may have to learn how to love?
a school i might hate.
a school that could define who i am.

its scary to think that one decision could change the course of your life forever.
the career path i will go on, the experiences you will encounter
the people i will kiss, hug, laugh, eat, talk with, the people who could change my life
the people who i won't see, the people i will miss, the authentic mexican and korean food i will definitely miss
the neighborhood i hate but love so much at the same time
the summer in the winter

to have a chance to do what i want to play with the people i really want to play with
to be able to walk everywhere
and to force myself to grow up
to learn how to make decisions not based on my parents or my brother
or my long time friends
but to choose the path with much more risk.
is it even possible?