Hi..it's me again..

Dear Blog,
A day of decisions.. I come out with a heavy heart.RISD vs Art Center
So in the end i chose not to apply to risd. Because i would be a much happier person at art center.
So i'm choosing to spend my efforts into my art center application.
both require original pieces. and i can't do both.
But i feel like a failure still, i couldn't even apply to risd. like it was just too much.
who doesn't want to go to a prestigious school?
I'm so frustrated/disappointed in myself.
I wish that i could have at least tried applying to risd. just as my own goal.
I know my mom's disappointed..
and so i come home today from art, very tired.
very very tired today.

I'm continuously losing my interest for into the wild.
i'm finding a lot of parts to be dry. I love reading about chris mccandless, but i don't care for the stories about other wanderers. its just not compelling.
i want a book to drag me into reading it.
And chris mccandless frustrates me at times. so closed minded. i don't think he ever gave a chance to society. it bothers me.

So many things are making me angry these days. i'm getting annoyed thinking about them as im writing this entry.
i wish i had a 'refresh' button for my life. why is life filled with so.much.goddamn.useless.shit.that.we.have.to.do.
I just want to escape. but i don't even want to travel and meet new people to escape. i just want to sleep for weeks.
i'm tired of everywhere.
i feel like the things that people do ..have..no meaning.....what i do has no meaning..
was is the significance to it. i think we lose sight of what is truly important.
and i think people aim too low for their goals.
its like, dream big. have ambition. be pure to your ideas and morals.
don't tell me sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the fucking moon


i'm not sure if i really mean that last paragraph, or if i'm just really tired and cranky right now
i want to live looking at the big scope of things
but then i'm scared that i will miss all of the small things that other people will get to enjoy

goodnight,
gia