I need to leeeaaaavvvveeeee thiiiiisssssss ciiitttttyyyy.
I need to learn how to be independent.
I can't wait until i'm 19.
19 is supposedly the age where we have fnally "found" ourselves.
aka developed who we are as individuals
i wish that i could be myself as a 19 year old
and then make my decision on where i want to go to college.
How will i know whether what i want is for real; something that my 19+ self will love doing, or just some stupid self
that my 17 year self is stuck in?
I want to escape to new york.
get lost in the city get lost in the people get lost in the streets get lost in the subways
i've never really done something alone
i've never really done anything on a whim
and its scary to think about but
knowing that chris is there is all i need
a big brother to be there when i need him
to step back when i don't

so do i choose the school i know i will love, or the school that i might or might not love?
do i pick a school that i may have to learn how to love?
a school i might hate.
a school that could define who i am.

its scary to think that one decision could change the course of your life forever.
the career path i will go on, the experiences you will encounter
the people i will kiss, hug, laugh, eat, talk with, the people who could change my life
the people who i won't see, the people i will miss, the authentic mexican and korean food i will definitely miss
the neighborhood i hate but love so much at the same time
the summer in the winter

to have a chance to do what i want to play with the people i really want to play with
to be able to walk everywhere
and to force myself to grow up
to learn how to make decisions not based on my parents or my brother
or my long time friends
but to choose the path with much more risk.
is it even possible?

say hi

Failure.
Get up there
Spin around
Get grounded
Eat good food
Talk to people you love
Sleep.

And everything will be better.

I kinda promise.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Hi..it's me again..

Dear Blog,
A day of decisions.. I come out with a heavy heart.RISD vs Art Center
So in the end i chose not to apply to risd. Because i would be a much happier person at art center.
So i'm choosing to spend my efforts into my art center application.
both require original pieces. and i can't do both.
But i feel like a failure still, i couldn't even apply to risd. like it was just too much.
who doesn't want to go to a prestigious school?
I'm so frustrated/disappointed in myself.
I wish that i could have at least tried applying to risd. just as my own goal.
I know my mom's disappointed..
and so i come home today from art, very tired.
very very tired today.

I'm continuously losing my interest for into the wild.
i'm finding a lot of parts to be dry. I love reading about chris mccandless, but i don't care for the stories about other wanderers. its just not compelling.
i want a book to drag me into reading it.
And chris mccandless frustrates me at times. so closed minded. i don't think he ever gave a chance to society. it bothers me.

So many things are making me angry these days. i'm getting annoyed thinking about them as im writing this entry.
i wish i had a 'refresh' button for my life. why is life filled with so.much.goddamn.useless.shit.that.we.have.to.do.
I just want to escape. but i don't even want to travel and meet new people to escape. i just want to sleep for weeks.
i'm tired of everywhere.
i feel like the things that people do ..have..no meaning.....what i do has no meaning..
was is the significance to it. i think we lose sight of what is truly important.
and i think people aim too low for their goals.
its like, dream big. have ambition. be pure to your ideas and morals.
don't tell me sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the fucking moon


i'm not sure if i really mean that last paragraph, or if i'm just really tired and cranky right now
i want to live looking at the big scope of things
but then i'm scared that i will miss all of the small things that other people will get to enjoy

goodnight,
gia

say hi to decisions

This is the first time i'm blogging using my smartphone.
To tell you the truth its not really the same thing. Definitely is less therapeutic...but I decided to get the app because there are so many times when I just need to blog but I wont have my computer with me....

Decisions decisions. Too many decisions to make. How is that its february and im still applying to colleges? So much work to do at art that when I come home at 8 I just conk out and bum it till I go to sleep. Been so tired these past few weeks, but there's still so much to do. So.sick.of.it.

I need to ask someone to backwards. Help.
The only reason I even want to go is so that I can wear my dress.
I have a problem. I can't resist.
Comme des garcons, mcqueen, vivienne westwood, jeremy Scott, JOHN GALLIANO, I die.
The apparel is just to beautiful.
I can't wait till korea this summer. I can go buy some new fashions without guilt.

Im continuing on with my reading. I've come to the conclusion that into the wild is not really a compelling book personally. I can definitely stop reading it right now and not care, but when I do read. Its very interesting. Im not sure if that's the type of novel I want to be reading...but there's no other book suggestion i've been given and I wouldn't know where to look for a good book. I've already scoured my school library for the books im interested in and I've read them all.
I like dumb chuck books. But I also like mystery novels. Maybe I should read the davinci code again.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

my feet hurt

jeremy scott, i really like your shoes and all
but they kinda hurt
they are super heavy.
but i do love them.

hi there..

hello my dear blog,
how are you today
?
i'm doing alright.
i like having my blog to talk to
when i can't talk to people
because alot of people don't really want to listen
and its great that no one really reads this.

So life should be good. I got into college, i got a 4.0, i'm a second semester senior
but its not as satisfying as i thought it would be..
because i'm still me, and just because i'm a second semester senior doesn't change who i am
and how people perceive me
but i'm sick of being everyones little lisa
i'm sick of being babied and embarrassed, its not cute
but whatever.



chris just called me and we talked so i feel better kinda



but i'll continue anyway..
i wish i had small earphones instead of my huge dre beats so that i can listen to music at school
without standing out, and block out all the dumb shit people say at school.
i wish i could wear the earbuds so that some people wouldn't talk to me. or they would know when i had my earbuds in, that they shouldn't talk to me.
because i'm so sick of pretending to pay attention to stupid things any longer.
i'm so sick of facebook, the people i'm "friends" with on facebook are so uninteresting.
they're level of amusement, or at least what they display of it on facebook are so shallow.
i'm so tired of being connected, social networking during all hours of my day.
which is why i like you, my dear blog. because i see this as more self reflection.
because i'm writing in this blog just for myself. to make myself feel better.

im thinking i should start reading more, but i need some good recommendations.
as of now i'm halfway through reading into the wild. which is really good, but it isn't exactly my kind of genre.
but it is a really fantastic book so far.

and now im getting frustrated because there's more i want to say, but i don't know what it is that im itching to say.
i've been listening to the same song for the past four days on loop.. and its such a good song. but its also depressing.
i still can't think of what i need to say. and im getting really annoyed.

goodnight my blog, if i think of what i need to say you'll hear from me later.

zzzoommmmggggg...

i hate homework.....
so much.
and i hate facebook
and i hate tumblr

언젠간

언젠간 이 눈물이 멈추길
언젠간 이 어둠이 걷히고
따스한 햇살이 이 눈물을 말려주길

지친 내 모습이 조금씩 지겨워지는 걸 느끼면
다 버리고 싶죠 힘들게 지켜오던 꿈을
가진 것보다는 부족한 것이 너무나도 많은 게
느껴질 때마다 다리에 힘이 풀려서 나 주저앉죠

언젠간 이 눈물이 멈추길
언젠간 이 어둠이 걷히고
따스한 햇살이 이 눈물을 말려주길

괜찮을 거라고 내 스스로를 위로하며 버티는
하루하루가 날 조금씩 두렵게 만들고
나를 믿으라고 말하면서도 믿지 못하는 나는
이제 얼마나 더 오래 버틸 수 있을 지 모르겠어요

기다리면 언젠간 오겠지
밤이 길어도 해는 뜨듯이
아픈 내 가슴도 언젠간 다 낫겠지

날 이젠 도와주길 하늘이 제발 도와주길
나 혼자서만 이겨내기가 점점 더 자신이 없어져요

언젠간 이 눈물이 멈추길
언젠간 이 어둠이 걷히고
따스한 햇살이 이 눈물을 말려주길

기다리면 언젠간 오겠지
밤이 길어도 해는 뜨듯이
아픈 내 가슴도 언젠간 다 낫겠지

언젠간 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oxfvc7Xha7g