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Once you finally get accustomed to something...everything changes

I think I'm really over that phase of life,
and i'm glad that i've made the decisions i did.
well, the big ones at least.

Lately, the things that make me the happiest are my soft cover moleskin that i carry around with me,
and sistar songs. HAA. SORRY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
and adele.
but most of all k.will.

i can't begin to describe how much i love k.will.
His voice, his earnesty, his love for singing and music, his efforts.
I hadn't listened to k.will in a while until this week, and it brings me back to a period of time when i used to listen to him nonstop
i was so obsessed haha
but it makes me happy, because i returning to that time, i think i had better character
and better intentions.
I think listening to k.will makes me work harder,
because the way he sings is so passionate,
and he's such a hard worker.
i told my mom i was going to marry him someday :)

it's so funny how the music i listen to affects my outlook for the week..

i'm scared for college.. i don't think i'm smart enough for usc.. and i don't think i'm good enough at art for usc...
i'm scared to meet people...scared isn't the right word. i'm scared i'm won't make friends, and i'm scared i'll be too close to home..
and i feel terrible for having my parents pay for the fat tuition.

i don't think i'm mature enough to make decisions on my own. seeing how i change my opinions and outlook on my life weekly, and it makes me scared for college. will i be able to make the right decisions? can i trust myself to do whats best for me? i think other people sway me too easily.

this week i feel so differently about everybody..i'm annoyed of the people i usually get along so well with.
i've gotten so tired of some people, that i physically feel nauseous when i talk to them.
lunch is getting really hard everyday. i don't want to eat any of the food i have, but i'm hungry. and i don't want to talk to ANYONE i usually see.
this past month i've been spending more and more time alone at lunch.
i like spending time alone in the practice rooms on the piano.
i've been starting a new composition, i like just messing around on the piano,
while doodling in my moleskin.
other days i've sat on the floor of the practice rooms and read while listening to my ipod, because its just so RELAXING.
but i feel like mr. stone thinks i'm a total weirdo when i stay in the practice rooms alone so i feel weird going..
so i only stay in the practice rooms twice a week at most.
i start to dread lunch everyday.

today i realized that hunger and silence are so refreshing.
i'm going to stop making myself do things i don't want to.
i don't want to go to prom. i hate school dances
i've never had fun at one
and i always end up feeling like i wasted time and money and effort
so i don't think im going to prom.
i would honestly rather hang out with my mom.
i think i will, actually.
i hate school dances so much.