I need to practice self control.
I can't make myself do anything I don't want to.
It just shows how immature I actually am.
So starting Saturday I'm going to be testing my self control,
for seven days.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
i realized i love angsty teen books and music
because i'm such an angsty teen and so it all relates so perfectly
like Perks of Being a Wallflower
and songs like firework by katy perry
who by the way is my absolute girl crush shes the greatest ever
but Perks of Being a Wallflower is so relateable
there are so many good quotes in there
"i swear in that moment we we infinite"
"we get the love we think we deserve"
the next book i want to read is
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time.
its about a boy who has a mental disorder
and he's really weird,
but then a neighborhood cat is killed, so he decides he is going to discover
who the cat murderer is.
its supposed to be kind of humorous i guess,
but it sounds really interesting.
Another book is
If I Stay.
Which i guess is about this girl who's friend dies or something?
and she is trying to think of reasons to stay alive?
i guess shes contemplating whether she should stay alive or join those who have died.
it's something along those lines i forget exactly what.
It's just the way that Perks of Being a Wallflower is, is so
honest
and stoic
it's so stoic
but that almost makes it more emotional.
I love those types of books that are stoic, yet emotional.
The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing is one of those books
gosh i really loved that book. I cried at the end of it. Nothing sad happened in the book, it was a happy ending,
but it was still so depressing.
and i love books that are narrated in the first person.
So yeah that's what I've been thinking about these days.
passion vs. passivity
because i'm such an angsty teen and so it all relates so perfectly
like Perks of Being a Wallflower
and songs like firework by katy perry
who by the way is my absolute girl crush shes the greatest ever
but Perks of Being a Wallflower is so relateable
there are so many good quotes in there
"i swear in that moment we we infinite"
"we get the love we think we deserve"
the next book i want to read is
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time.
its about a boy who has a mental disorder
and he's really weird,
but then a neighborhood cat is killed, so he decides he is going to discover
who the cat murderer is.
its supposed to be kind of humorous i guess,
but it sounds really interesting.
Another book is
If I Stay.
Which i guess is about this girl who's friend dies or something?
and she is trying to think of reasons to stay alive?
i guess shes contemplating whether she should stay alive or join those who have died.
it's something along those lines i forget exactly what.
It's just the way that Perks of Being a Wallflower is, is so
honest
and stoic
it's so stoic
but that almost makes it more emotional.
I love those types of books that are stoic, yet emotional.
The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing is one of those books
gosh i really loved that book. I cried at the end of it. Nothing sad happened in the book, it was a happy ending,
but it was still so depressing.
and i love books that are narrated in the first person.
So yeah that's what I've been thinking about these days.
passion vs. passivity
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
So I'm laying down in my mom's bed watching an Episode of Bones.
There's a million things that I should be doing right now, but I don't want to do any of it.
I'm starting to get hungry, but I don't want to eat.
I need to get a haircut..I need one pretty badly...
I really don't want to take my stats exam, and I don't want to sit through another one of Dr. E's Sex Ed lectures.
Oh my god the electric blanket is starting to get uncomfortably hot and now I'm starting to get super antsy.
I can't wait to move into my dorm just so that I could use the gym everyday and it would be in walking distance.
And so I can bike everywhere.
So lately I've been having lots of ideas and things I want to do for projects,
and i think they're some pretty good ideas,
but then in this episode of Bones, Detective Booth just described the murdered kid's creativity as "teenage angst."
Hmmm...
There's so many other things that I need to be doing right now.
I really, really, really hate people like you.
Because your arrogance is unsupported.
Oi, STEPP OFF UGH.
I just want to do what I want. Free will is what makes us tick.
Ew I sound so annoying right now.
Sometimes advertisements for dog treats, make them look tasty. Is it weird that I want to try...?
Yes. ugh
All I want is to eat vanilla ice cream and good Indian/Thai food,
and lay down on a blanket outside under the shade on a sunny day,
and i wish I was flexible.
I wish i was the best artist ever,
and made the best artwork and drawings.
And I wish I was good at painting,
because I suck at it and I hate it.
I hate painting because it's messy and uncontrollable, but mostly I hate it because I'm bad at it.
But I'm bad at it because I don't practice painting, and I don't practice because I hate it.
It's all a confusing circle.
I'm annoying myself writing this. Bye.
There's a million things that I should be doing right now, but I don't want to do any of it.
I'm starting to get hungry, but I don't want to eat.
I need to get a haircut..I need one pretty badly...
I really don't want to take my stats exam, and I don't want to sit through another one of Dr. E's Sex Ed lectures.
Oh my god the electric blanket is starting to get uncomfortably hot and now I'm starting to get super antsy.
I can't wait to move into my dorm just so that I could use the gym everyday and it would be in walking distance.
And so I can bike everywhere.
So lately I've been having lots of ideas and things I want to do for projects,
and i think they're some pretty good ideas,
but then in this episode of Bones, Detective Booth just described the murdered kid's creativity as "teenage angst."
Hmmm...
There's so many other things that I need to be doing right now.
I really, really, really hate people like you.
Because your arrogance is unsupported.
Oi, STEPP OFF UGH.
I just want to do what I want. Free will is what makes us tick.
Ew I sound so annoying right now.
Sometimes advertisements for dog treats, make them look tasty. Is it weird that I want to try...?
Yes. ugh
All I want is to eat vanilla ice cream and good Indian/Thai food,
and lay down on a blanket outside under the shade on a sunny day,
and i wish I was flexible.
I wish i was the best artist ever,
and made the best artwork and drawings.
And I wish I was good at painting,
because I suck at it and I hate it.
I hate painting because it's messy and uncontrollable, but mostly I hate it because I'm bad at it.
But I'm bad at it because I don't practice painting, and I don't practice because I hate it.
It's all a confusing circle.
I'm annoying myself writing this. Bye.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
New
Once you finally get accustomed to something...everything changes
I think I'm really over that phase of life,
and i'm glad that i've made the decisions i did.
well, the big ones at least.
Lately, the things that make me the happiest are my soft cover moleskin that i carry around with me,
and sistar songs. HAA. SORRY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
and adele.
but most of all k.will.
i can't begin to describe how much i love k.will.
His voice, his earnesty, his love for singing and music, his efforts.
I hadn't listened to k.will in a while until this week, and it brings me back to a period of time when i used to listen to him nonstop
i was so obsessed haha
but it makes me happy, because i returning to that time, i think i had better character
and better intentions.
I think listening to k.will makes me work harder,
because the way he sings is so passionate,
and he's such a hard worker.
i told my mom i was going to marry him someday :)
it's so funny how the music i listen to affects my outlook for the week..
i'm scared for college.. i don't think i'm smart enough for usc.. and i don't think i'm good enough at art for usc...
i'm scared to meet people...scared isn't the right word. i'm scared i'm won't make friends, and i'm scared i'll be too close to home..
and i feel terrible for having my parents pay for the fat tuition.
i don't think i'm mature enough to make decisions on my own. seeing how i change my opinions and outlook on my life weekly, and it makes me scared for college. will i be able to make the right decisions? can i trust myself to do whats best for me? i think other people sway me too easily.
this week i feel so differently about everybody..i'm annoyed of the people i usually get along so well with.
i've gotten so tired of some people, that i physically feel nauseous when i talk to them.
lunch is getting really hard everyday. i don't want to eat any of the food i have, but i'm hungry. and i don't want to talk to ANYONE i usually see.
this past month i've been spending more and more time alone at lunch.
i like spending time alone in the practice rooms on the piano.
i've been starting a new composition, i like just messing around on the piano,
while doodling in my moleskin.
other days i've sat on the floor of the practice rooms and read while listening to my ipod, because its just so RELAXING.
but i feel like mr. stone thinks i'm a total weirdo when i stay in the practice rooms alone so i feel weird going..
so i only stay in the practice rooms twice a week at most.
i start to dread lunch everyday.
today i realized that hunger and silence are so refreshing.
i'm going to stop making myself do things i don't want to.
i don't want to go to prom. i hate school dances
i've never had fun at one
and i always end up feeling like i wasted time and money and effort
so i don't think im going to prom.
i would honestly rather hang out with my mom.
i think i will, actually.
i hate school dances so much.
I think I'm really over that phase of life,
and i'm glad that i've made the decisions i did.
well, the big ones at least.
Lately, the things that make me the happiest are my soft cover moleskin that i carry around with me,
and sistar songs. HAA. SORRY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
and adele.
but most of all k.will.
i can't begin to describe how much i love k.will.
His voice, his earnesty, his love for singing and music, his efforts.
I hadn't listened to k.will in a while until this week, and it brings me back to a period of time when i used to listen to him nonstop
i was so obsessed haha
but it makes me happy, because i returning to that time, i think i had better character
and better intentions.
I think listening to k.will makes me work harder,
because the way he sings is so passionate,
and he's such a hard worker.
i told my mom i was going to marry him someday :)
it's so funny how the music i listen to affects my outlook for the week..
i'm scared for college.. i don't think i'm smart enough for usc.. and i don't think i'm good enough at art for usc...
i'm scared to meet people...scared isn't the right word. i'm scared i'm won't make friends, and i'm scared i'll be too close to home..
and i feel terrible for having my parents pay for the fat tuition.
i don't think i'm mature enough to make decisions on my own. seeing how i change my opinions and outlook on my life weekly, and it makes me scared for college. will i be able to make the right decisions? can i trust myself to do whats best for me? i think other people sway me too easily.
this week i feel so differently about everybody..i'm annoyed of the people i usually get along so well with.
i've gotten so tired of some people, that i physically feel nauseous when i talk to them.
lunch is getting really hard everyday. i don't want to eat any of the food i have, but i'm hungry. and i don't want to talk to ANYONE i usually see.
this past month i've been spending more and more time alone at lunch.
i like spending time alone in the practice rooms on the piano.
i've been starting a new composition, i like just messing around on the piano,
while doodling in my moleskin.
other days i've sat on the floor of the practice rooms and read while listening to my ipod, because its just so RELAXING.
but i feel like mr. stone thinks i'm a total weirdo when i stay in the practice rooms alone so i feel weird going..
so i only stay in the practice rooms twice a week at most.
i start to dread lunch everyday.
today i realized that hunger and silence are so refreshing.
i'm going to stop making myself do things i don't want to.
i don't want to go to prom. i hate school dances
i've never had fun at one
and i always end up feeling like i wasted time and money and effort
so i don't think im going to prom.
i would honestly rather hang out with my mom.
i think i will, actually.
i hate school dances so much.
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