I think I will remember 2011 always.
I've never worked harder in school on college apps and grades.
I've never played harder either.
I got into college.
I went to a Kpop concert with white kids.
I went on two hikes, which makes me very proud of myself.
I met special people.
I graduated.
I was out every single day this summer.
I went to Boston, Providence, and Martha's Vineyard with three of my best friends.
I read 10 books.
I got into a huge fight with a best friend.
I learned how to shoot a bebe gun.
I started writing my own melodies on the piano.
I cried in my best friend's car.
I took long walks three times a week during the summer.
I lost my flute.
I went to college.
I got along with my roommate.
I pulled my first all nighter.
I went to really great concerts.
I went crazy then calmed down again.
It's New Year's Eve and I am very satisfied with 2011, so I want to say thank you to whoever.
Thanks!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sock collection #8:
좋은아침! Today I'm in a good mood because I get to see Christine over tea and a nice long walk!
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Monday, December 26, 2011
When I can't fall asleep.
The best thing I can think of doing right now is this.
This has bothered me for a bit now, a few weeks.
So many times when I just can't express how I feel because I really don't even know what it is I have to say.
It's like I've been feeling not quite empty... but not fulfilled.
As if there is a chunk of something missing.
An irritating, disappointing feeling of a gap.
And honestly it's starting to take a substantial toll on me. I feel as if it dictates my every move. I feel bound by this lack of fulfillment. Abyss would be too dramatic a word, but for the sake of description, an abyss.
"... if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
I wish I were a more simple person, more easily satisfied and entertained. I wish I loved more and believed in more. I wish I were more open- minded. I wish I were more talented and intelligent. I wish I possessed something that no one else in the entire world has.
Or I wish that I had less of all these things, so that at least I could live in ignorant bliss.
The problem is, I know just...enough.
Complex enough to realize and appreciate the joys of clever nuances. I love enough to feel the slightest hints at things that I believe could be wonderful, and believe in enough to hold hope that prolongs the torment of man. Open-minded enough to experience the benefits and wonders of foreign ideas. Talented enough to feel the inexplicable joys of actually being good at something, and enough knowledge to know that there is so many more great things that I do not know, and will never understand.
And this, the realization that everything is just... enough, is wedging itself into my thoughts a lot and is unsettling.
I want to feel more and to have more.
It's making me an angrier person.
It makes me hate, though I know that it's unfair for me to do so and to feel that way, which only makes me frustrated.
Guilty for feeling the way I do, and slightly sad.
Disappointment at the lack of fulfillment.
This has bothered me for a bit now, a few weeks.
So many times when I just can't express how I feel because I really don't even know what it is I have to say.
It's like I've been feeling not quite empty... but not fulfilled.
As if there is a chunk of something missing.
An irritating, disappointing feeling of a gap.
And honestly it's starting to take a substantial toll on me. I feel as if it dictates my every move. I feel bound by this lack of fulfillment. Abyss would be too dramatic a word, but for the sake of description, an abyss.
"... if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
I wish I were a more simple person, more easily satisfied and entertained. I wish I loved more and believed in more. I wish I were more open- minded. I wish I were more talented and intelligent. I wish I possessed something that no one else in the entire world has.
Or I wish that I had less of all these things, so that at least I could live in ignorant bliss.
The problem is, I know just...enough.
Complex enough to realize and appreciate the joys of clever nuances. I love enough to feel the slightest hints at things that I believe could be wonderful, and believe in enough to hold hope that prolongs the torment of man. Open-minded enough to experience the benefits and wonders of foreign ideas. Talented enough to feel the inexplicable joys of actually being good at something, and enough knowledge to know that there is so many more great things that I do not know, and will never understand.
And this, the realization that everything is just... enough, is wedging itself into my thoughts a lot and is unsettling.
I want to feel more and to have more.
It's making me an angrier person.
It makes me hate, though I know that it's unfair for me to do so and to feel that way, which only makes me frustrated.
Guilty for feeling the way I do, and slightly sad.
Disappointment at the lack of fulfillment.
"To own only a little talent... was an awful plaguing thing...being only a little special meant you expected too much, most of the time, and liked yourself too little..."
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Sock collection #6:
I thought i lost one of these pairs but i was wrong! I'm glad i found them.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Thursday, December 15, 2011
His voice makes me feel warm.
So I have a fascination with the weather because most of the time it has a huge effect on my mood.
So I'm not being bored and awkward when I try to talk about the weather, I just really am interested.
Today's weather from what I can see sitting in bed from my window is sunny and slightly gloomy.
And it looks cold outside, but it's very nice! It's very cozy weather.
Anyway today I've been in the mood to listen to nice, warm voices to calm music to the sound of a guitar.
And I remembered about Kevin Oh, who I've been subscribed to for a while, and his voice is the perfect music for today.
I just want to fall asleep to his voice in a pile of blankets.
So I'm not being bored and awkward when I try to talk about the weather, I just really am interested.
Today's weather from what I can see sitting in bed from my window is sunny and slightly gloomy.
And it looks cold outside, but it's very nice! It's very cozy weather.
Anyway today I've been in the mood to listen to nice, warm voices to calm music to the sound of a guitar.
And I remembered about Kevin Oh, who I've been subscribed to for a while, and his voice is the perfect music for today.
I just want to fall asleep to his voice in a pile of blankets.
Today's Song Is:
This is today's song because its 90s and awesome.
It's on an old NOW5 cd that I have.....I'm so glad i stumbled upon this song again.
It's just so great....I actually really like it. hahahah
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