When I can't fall asleep.

The best thing I can think of doing right now is this.

This has bothered me for a bit now, a few weeks.
So many times when I just can't express how I feel because I really don't even know what it is I have to say.
It's like I've been feeling not quite empty... but not fulfilled.
As if there is a chunk of something missing.
An irritating, disappointing feeling of a gap.
And honestly it's starting to take a substantial toll on me. I feel as if it dictates my every move. I feel bound by this lack of fulfillment. Abyss would be too dramatic a word, but for the sake of description, an abyss.
"... if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
I wish I were a more simple person, more easily satisfied and entertained. I wish I loved more and believed in more. I wish I were more open- minded. I wish I were more talented and intelligent. I wish I possessed something that no one else in the entire world has.
Or I wish that I had less of all these things, so that at least I could live in ignorant bliss.
The problem is, I know just...enough.
Complex enough to realize and appreciate the joys of clever nuances. I love enough to feel the slightest hints at things that I believe could be wonderful, and believe in enough to hold hope that prolongs the torment of man. Open-minded enough to experience the benefits and wonders of foreign ideas. Talented enough to feel the inexplicable joys of actually being good at something, and enough knowledge to know that there is so many more great things that I do not know, and will never understand.
And this, the realization that everything is just... enough, is wedging itself into my thoughts a lot and is unsettling.
I want to feel more and to have more.
It's making me an angrier person.
It makes me hate, though I know that it's unfair for me to do so and to feel that way, which only makes me frustrated.
Guilty for feeling the way I do, and slightly sad.
Disappointment at the lack of fulfillment.

"To own only a little talent... was an awful plaguing thing...being only a little special meant you expected too much, most of the time, and liked yourself too little..."