You know, I would like if the weather were nicer.
There's so many other things that I would like, too. Like a functioning light switch in my bedroom, perhaps some new light bulbs in my bathroom, an agenda that I didn't lose everyday, a pink sweater. A bike would be nice.
I just
really wish that the weather were nicer. I wish I knew something about basketball. All the Laker's fans seem to have so much fun following the games, but really, I have no interest, all I know is that Kobe is better looking than Lebron. Thus, I have jumped onto the bandwagon and become a Lakers fan.
I don't really know where I'm going with all this.
There are so many other things that I want in addition, some things may be attainable, others, not so much. Or at least, they're out of my reach. Today after thinking about all the things I wanted, I made a mental list in my head and checked it twice. All I can say after thinking it over in my head, is since when have I become so shallow? When did I start caring about all this useless shit that fills my mind day in and day out? "It's ok to be happy~" are the lyrics to the song I'm listening to, but why am I making that so hard by caring about these kinds of things? I miss myself even just a year ago. Or more, I miss the fact that these superficial thoughts never even used to enter my mind. It was fun that way, it was loving that way, it was easier that way, it was better that way.
At the same time though, can I really say that what this past year has done to me, is all that bad? In some aspects, yes, definitely junior year has become a bad influence. In other ways, was it just an opportunity to find my real self?
Is this even my real self? All I really can differentiate is that back then I really didn't give a shit. Now, I do. About too much. I've become an observer instead of a do-er. An introvert? But even keeping all of this in mind, I do have to thank what these new changes have brought to me. I've found new passions, I've taken a deeper look into what my future holds for me, I've found friends along the way.
I've come to appreciate my family much more this year. As well as my culture. That's one thing I'm thankful for. I like being daddy's little girl. I like talking with my mom even though she's more like the teenage daughter and me the mom. I secretly like when my brother comes home from college, and I would always go out to lunch or dinner with him if he asks even if I'd eaten literally half an hour earlier.
I think that if I saw myself a year ago, how I am now, I would cringe and laugh at myself. Look at me, what a cheeseball, writing a silly blog that hardly anyone reads, blogging about useless, selfish shit, listening to fucking
kpop. We're talking about a girl who used to ask "What's a GDragon? Is that a Tamagotchi?" A girl who hardly, really
barely, knew how to read and write korean, and whose korean speaking skills were digressing by the day. A girl who used to listen to indie 103 (before it got shut down) and kroq, instead of kiis fm and amp radio. A girl who used to go to the Warped Tour, and not some Kpop concert at the Hollywood Bowl. In fact, we're talking about a girl that used to make fun of girls like me now. Like it's actually just funny. & as much as I hate how shallow I have become, and even though I miss my approach to my life a year ago, I don't think I'd ever want to go back.
This entry was supposed to be about how I wished that the weather were nicer, but I got off an a bit of a tangent.
I
really wish the weather were nicer. I'll keep that as my only wish and want; I'll clear my list of superficial "needs" for now. Some self reflection is good for everyone.
And just one last time just because I really do want it,
I wish the weather were nicer.
