hi there..

hello my dear blog,
how are you today
?
i'm doing alright.
i like having my blog to talk to
when i can't talk to people
because alot of people don't really want to listen
and its great that no one really reads this.

So life should be good. I got into college, i got a 4.0, i'm a second semester senior
but its not as satisfying as i thought it would be..
because i'm still me, and just because i'm a second semester senior doesn't change who i am
and how people perceive me
but i'm sick of being everyones little lisa
i'm sick of being babied and embarrassed, its not cute
but whatever.



chris just called me and we talked so i feel better kinda



but i'll continue anyway..
i wish i had small earphones instead of my huge dre beats so that i can listen to music at school
without standing out, and block out all the dumb shit people say at school.
i wish i could wear the earbuds so that some people wouldn't talk to me. or they would know when i had my earbuds in, that they shouldn't talk to me.
because i'm so sick of pretending to pay attention to stupid things any longer.
i'm so sick of facebook, the people i'm "friends" with on facebook are so uninteresting.
they're level of amusement, or at least what they display of it on facebook are so shallow.
i'm so tired of being connected, social networking during all hours of my day.
which is why i like you, my dear blog. because i see this as more self reflection.
because i'm writing in this blog just for myself. to make myself feel better.

im thinking i should start reading more, but i need some good recommendations.
as of now i'm halfway through reading into the wild. which is really good, but it isn't exactly my kind of genre.
but it is a really fantastic book so far.

and now im getting frustrated because there's more i want to say, but i don't know what it is that im itching to say.
i've been listening to the same song for the past four days on loop.. and its such a good song. but its also depressing.
i still can't think of what i need to say. and im getting really annoyed.

goodnight my blog, if i think of what i need to say you'll hear from me later.

zzzoommmmggggg...

i hate homework.....
so much.
and i hate facebook
and i hate tumblr

언젠간

언젠간 이 눈물이 멈추길
언젠간 이 어둠이 걷히고
따스한 햇살이 이 눈물을 말려주길

지친 내 모습이 조금씩 지겨워지는 걸 느끼면
다 버리고 싶죠 힘들게 지켜오던 꿈을
가진 것보다는 부족한 것이 너무나도 많은 게
느껴질 때마다 다리에 힘이 풀려서 나 주저앉죠

언젠간 이 눈물이 멈추길
언젠간 이 어둠이 걷히고
따스한 햇살이 이 눈물을 말려주길

괜찮을 거라고 내 스스로를 위로하며 버티는
하루하루가 날 조금씩 두렵게 만들고
나를 믿으라고 말하면서도 믿지 못하는 나는
이제 얼마나 더 오래 버틸 수 있을 지 모르겠어요

기다리면 언젠간 오겠지
밤이 길어도 해는 뜨듯이
아픈 내 가슴도 언젠간 다 낫겠지

날 이젠 도와주길 하늘이 제발 도와주길
나 혼자서만 이겨내기가 점점 더 자신이 없어져요

언젠간 이 눈물이 멈추길
언젠간 이 어둠이 걷히고
따스한 햇살이 이 눈물을 말려주길

기다리면 언젠간 오겠지
밤이 길어도 해는 뜨듯이
아픈 내 가슴도 언젠간 다 낫겠지

언젠간 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oxfvc7Xha7g

.

I can't do this.
my dog ran away today.
and my mid year reports are due soon and none of the forms are working for me.
finals.
makeup work.
home exams.
college apps.

i want to cry i just want my dog to come home.

please

say hi to I LIKE TO FORK MYSELF

walcott fuck the women from well fleet

being sick is such an odd process...like you can't move cause your in pain, can't swallow cause your throats sore,
can't go to school cause you'll infect others, can watch tv

all effing day

but then your eyes get tired, and your tired of lying down on one side
so you roll over
but then you can watch tv, so you sleep
but you've been sleeping all day
FOR THE PAST WEEK
antibiotics are fun to take
when they're in that little package and your assigned two the first day
and one each following day
MAKE SURE TO TAKE AT SAME TIME EACH DAY

being sick is weird; a week has passed and all you've done is watch tv and sleep
and a week goes but it feels like two days




you don't miss food at all even though you hardly eat it. you just want to sleep even though thats all you do

walcott don't know you know that its insane
HEED MY WORDS AND TAKE FLEET

orange is a good color. its a healthy color. its the color of vitamin c. and the sun kinda, and kinda like terracotta, and earth
but its also the color of prison jumpsuits
and neon signs
and warning labels. sometimes

such opposite things

but orange is a healthy color.



i recommend this blog.
for... http://iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com/
thoughts and pictures and irony
if you don't mind reading a dead girls blog


walcott all the way to new jersey all the way to the garden state out of cape cod tonight

I just want today to end.

I need another story, something to get off my chest.

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
Imma tell you everything.

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, All my secrets away.

I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I feel sick. Tired and sick. And cranky.
But OneRepublic always puts me in a weird mood. Their songs make me sad; I feel like I'm in Garden State whenever I listen. The flood is coming back, but how do I push it away again?
The end is coming so soon, but it hasn't even started yet.
Sometimes I wonder if you did all this to me. You played your part.
I'm so silly.
My life is getting so boring, yet scary.
There really is something about every single one of OneRepublic's songs. I can't put my finger on it.. but the melody.. in every single song reminds me of something, makes me nostalgic.. but I can't remember what. Whatever it is, it puts me in such a strange mood.
Like being depressed. Important. Uplifted. Invisible.
I wish I didn't get tired running; I wish I didn't get cramps or run out of breath. Because the feeling of running, of breathing the cold air through your noise, out your mouth, your legs moving on auto pilot, feels so good. It makes everything better. Like the time when I came home from my flute lesson in seventh grade after my teacher told me she was moving away.
I was..surprised.
And sad.
So I ran.
I walked out the house in my jeans and sandals and ran up the hill, around the second neighborhood, around my neighborhood. I didn't get tired. So I kept running.
I made my way home as it got dark, running.
Ran through the garage into the house, ran to my room, and plopped myself down on my bed. I felt better.

I think I should stop listening to OneRepublic.

To have hope...like a silver lining on a cloud...what does it amount to?
Why does it come to those, and not others?
Why is it that the person who needs it the most has no hope for a better day?
Why can't I give that person hope? The person I would give anything for, why not hope?

And then there are those where I thought they had it. Were they pretending to protect the ones that they love? Providing all they could in the best way they can?
Do they really have hope, or are they just better at masking the fear.

There are things I wish I didn't do, things I wish I could take back, things I wish didn't happen.
They say that hardship hits you all at once, but I never thought it would hit the people I love the most this hard.
It made me feel angry, but it quickly made me embarassed of myself.
Don't take what you have for granted.
I love you with all my heart umma and appa.

Reflecions. Mulan status, REFLECTIONS.

Ughh...the end of school is always the toughest..
I don't feel like doing anything..i just want to go awayyyyy

I think its JUNIOR YEAR REFLECTION TIME.
Well, I definitely could have tried harder this year, but what good is it, when i know what i want to do, where i want to go, and grades aren't important in helping me get there?
I've definitely toned down the hanging out and socializing all the time.
I've hit a long period in which i couldn't think of anything in art and i didnt want to go..but im slowly getting over that obstacle.
I like to think i sort of rediscovered family. or reconnected?
I need to be more thankful. and more responsible. and less selfish.
Be more observant to those around you.
work and play harder
I feel like this year, i really just did what i wanted. and that makes me happy.

Regardless, I want to disapear. i want to be the girl in the picture at that moment. the fountains are so pretty :)
I would like to walk around in a beautiful city.
i wish i had another chance to walk the streets of madrid.
i wish i had another chance to walk the streets of seoul and actually appreciate it this time round.
Sometime i wish i had made better decisions this year, but what better decisions were there? Maybe i just things had been different, period.
I need to stop being a drama queen inside my mind.
and in other aspects, i need to be more of a drama queen.
I wish i were girlier. and i wish i felt comfortable in skirts. Summer is going to have a couple rough patches. i don't even want to think about it, cause every time i do, i get a sinking feeling in my chest. 
You know, crying is good for the soul, and the body as well. It's good to take time and let it out. Whoa~ getting too emotional!
I always think what if, what if i were born as a different person? what if i had been born in a different town?! how would my life be like now? would i be more thankful for the things i have, or would i be the same? or worse?
I'm terribly afraid for next year. and rejection. from colleges. and people. But its all a part of the process isnt it? I hate losing. Especially when its one way. it can make some one feel so insignificant, forget what you have, and how fortunate you are.
But i would like to say that I think i spent Junior year better than several others, even though i did stupid things. I made smart decisions as well.

I tried to be less annoying this year haha :D Hopefully i calmed down a bit.
Not gonna lie, i was dumb, and immature, and hopeless previous years (not that im not now) but i think it got better this year. i hope. and i hope senior year i'll be smart on my decisions, make them wisely.

I want next year to be one that i won't forget! filled with all sorts of wonderful and all sorts of nasty :)

@Art at the moment...another phone blogpost :) taking a break from my new piece. I've been having good days at art, I feel like I'm actually getting work done and at a good pace.
-15 has really got to kick in, running the rosebowl today. I need to get new running shoes, ones that won't make my feet miserable T_T.

So busy these days...feeling the pressure of my portfolio, grades, projects, tests, choir rehersals for the haiti concert, constant art, SAT IIs, -15/-20, my skin sucks dick, social retardation setting in.... Sighh~
I really can't stand being at school anymore...every class goes by way too slow, nothing to look forward to, too many assignments to turn in, too many tests to study for...

Just waiting for summer, waiting for the freedom, waiting for the time, waiting to DO WHATEVER THE FUNK I WANT!

What a long blackberry BLOGGR entry...back to my art, nude class is about to start~