All I want to do is go to the beach on a hot day.
I want to lay out and doze off while listening to good music.
I want to run into the water and swim out, letting the current carry me out.
I want to catch PARTY WAVES.
I want to catch the sunset.
I want to run around and drink beers on the beach.
I want to laugh a lot with my friends.
The beach makes everything bettttttter.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Lindisfarne II
I fuck things up in my head so bad and twist ideas and realities into fantasies.
Think too hard about every single little thing.
Think too hard, that my exterior has no chance to catch up.
Sometimes I make my own skin crawl with my thoughts.
Sometimes I think I ruin myself a bit.
Sometimes I think I soil my own mind.
Sometimes I think I live two lives.
The me inside my head and the real me whom I neglect.
Think too hard about every single little thing.
Think too hard, that my exterior has no chance to catch up.
Sometimes I make my own skin crawl with my thoughts.
Sometimes I think I ruin myself a bit.
Sometimes I think I soil my own mind.
Sometimes I think I live two lives.
The me inside my head and the real me whom I neglect.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Come with me, up on the rooftop.
I'm trying to find Inspiration.
Desperately trying to find Inspiration.
She's a coy creature, she is.
I look for her.
Looking when I listen to that gentle song on repeat,
when I bury my nose in my favorite Roald Dahl story,
when I stare out into that damn beautiful sky everyday.
I'll find her hidden in the crevasses of the wrinkles of their grins,
in the sweet air that passes through an open screen door on a summer night,
in the excited energy that surges within clusters of conversations amongst my youthful company.
And then I let her take me.
Allow her to envelop all of me,
Gently submerged in a pool brimming with the sweet summer air.
She's gooey and sweet, slathering my mind,
dripping from the tiny corners of my imagination.
And I'll have her once more and we'll share happy thoughts,
and breathe easy,
and twinkle with excitement that comes with her new ambitions and fantasies..
Until that twinkle starts dwindling.
It's always a waning farewell, but always met with the determination to find her again.
Over and over again!
Desperately trying to find Inspiration.
She's a coy creature, she is.
I look for her.
Looking when I listen to that gentle song on repeat,
when I bury my nose in my favorite Roald Dahl story,
when I stare out into that damn beautiful sky everyday.
I'll find her hidden in the crevasses of the wrinkles of their grins,
in the sweet air that passes through an open screen door on a summer night,
in the excited energy that surges within clusters of conversations amongst my youthful company.
And then I let her take me.
Allow her to envelop all of me,
Gently submerged in a pool brimming with the sweet summer air.
She's gooey and sweet, slathering my mind,
dripping from the tiny corners of my imagination.
And I'll have her once more and we'll share happy thoughts,
and breathe easy,
and twinkle with excitement that comes with her new ambitions and fantasies..
Until that twinkle starts dwindling.
It's always a waning farewell, but always met with the determination to find her again.
Over and over again!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Sway with the Pacific.
All day I wish I could float in the ocean...
float on my back,
close my eyes,
smell the salt and the air,
sunshine shining through my sealed eyelids,
caress the brisk ocean water,
the salt water gently cleansing random little cuts on my body,
sway with the pacific...
Dunk my head in,
stay under,
feel the waves above my head swish me around a bit,
wade up to match the flow of the current,
FEEL SO ALIVE.
float on my back,
close my eyes,
smell the salt and the air,
sunshine shining through my sealed eyelids,
caress the brisk ocean water,
the salt water gently cleansing random little cuts on my body,
sway with the pacific...
Dunk my head in,
stay under,
feel the waves above my head swish me around a bit,
wade up to match the flow of the current,
FEEL SO ALIVE.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Mushaboom
My head is buried somewhere far up my ass.
Feeling so finally in tune, instead, self inflicted stupidity.
I feel happy.
I feel sad.
The grass was a cushion beneath our heavy heads,
The dogs were tangled in their leashes and legs,
The cars were casually whizzing past the speed limit,
The conversation was amiably honest and short and sweet,
We were out of place, but we were harmonious there.
The chairs were sticky beneath our summer thighs,
The company was crowded into booths and bar stools,
The margaritas went unnoticably too strong down the many throats,
The chatting was uncomfortably nostalgic and funny and empty,
We should have been happy, but we wouldn't let ourselves.
:0)
:(
Feeling so finally in tune, instead, self inflicted stupidity.
I feel happy.
I feel sad.
The grass was a cushion beneath our heavy heads,
The dogs were tangled in their leashes and legs,
The cars were casually whizzing past the speed limit,
The conversation was amiably honest and short and sweet,
We were out of place, but we were harmonious there.
The chairs were sticky beneath our summer thighs,
The company was crowded into booths and bar stools,
The margaritas went unnoticably too strong down the many throats,
The chatting was uncomfortably nostalgic and funny and empty,
We should have been happy, but we wouldn't let ourselves.
:0)
:(
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Vibrancy
The weather is vibrant today!
I took time to skim through and read parts of my blog posts and I realized I'm a huge prick.
All I do is whine about everything and I always leave out the wonderful things in my life.
And that's ridiculous because I'm fortunate in so many ways.
Something good will always come our way, and instead of sifting through to find things to whine about, I'm sifting for the wonderful.
I took time to skim through and read parts of my blog posts and I realized I'm a huge prick.
All I do is whine about everything and I always leave out the wonderful things in my life.
And that's ridiculous because I'm fortunate in so many ways.
Something good will always come our way, and instead of sifting through to find things to whine about, I'm sifting for the wonderful.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Field of Ferns
Impressionable
I think that's who I am.
Just who I am.
This was meant to be a burst of inspiration.
I want to get lost in a beautiful, beautiful place.
Smile while looking up at the baby blue.
I'd be finally free
We could finally breathe.....
...
....
.
..
..
.
.
Exhale.
Full of shapeless emotion!
I think I've managed again.
But for how long ?
I think that's who I am.
Just who I am.
This was meant to be a burst of inspiration.
I want to get lost in a beautiful, beautiful place.
Smile while looking up at the baby blue.
I'd be finally free
We could finally breathe.....
...
....
.
..
..
.
.
Exhale.
Full of shapeless emotion!
I think I've managed again.
But for how long ?
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I'm tired.
The familiar sensation of such extreme tired-ness is coming back.
I've realized that when you start feeling nothing,
you kind of just forget everything.
Either that, or you don't remember anything.
Chunks of your life just pass by and you can't remember how you spent them.
Not really anyway.
I think that I'd rather feel sad than nothing.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.
But I did wish I wouldn't feel so helplessly tired all the time.
I feel like shit.
I've realized that when you start feeling nothing,
you kind of just forget everything.
Either that, or you don't remember anything.
Chunks of your life just pass by and you can't remember how you spent them.
Not really anyway.
I think that I'd rather feel sad than nothing.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.
But I did wish I wouldn't feel so helplessly tired all the time.
I feel like shit.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Update.
Many things got fucked up along the way.
There was a thousand pound penny that weighed down on my chest.
My horoscope stopped making sense.
So did my art.
I felt sick and blue. And yellow and green and red, too.
I still do.
There was a thousand pound penny that weighed down on my chest.
My horoscope stopped making sense.
So did my art.
I felt sick and blue. And yellow and green and red, too.
I still do.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Give me a sign
My
life
is
so
static.
I'm
waiting
for
the
big
moment
in
my
life,
but
I'm scared.
So,
so,
so
scared
that
it
will
never
happen.
life
is
so
static.
I'm
waiting
for
the
big
moment
in
my
life,
but
I'm scared.
So,
so,
so
scared
that
it
will
never
happen.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The XX-- VCR.
Watch things on VCR with me and talk about big love.
Hours on end under blanket layers watching Netflix on end.
Hulu too.
Put the windows down and your hair whips the air.
Where we live is a paradise.
Blank out and stare at the same random pattern on your rug.
Think as if you're in the future and retrospect to this moment in time.
Sleep better than ever before.
Worry about what you're going to eat and when, constantly.
Meet so many people and share so many stories.
Learn that worlds overlap, yet your paths still may not cross.
You, you used to have all the answers...
... and you, you still have them too.
Appreciate and capture every single moment you are alone.
Wait,
Wait,
and wait just a bit more.
Go to class and you never have much work.
Think of how to fill up all , this , time.
There's never enough time.
Give lots of cold shoulders and make lots of awkward eye contact.
Walk around and let yourself be awed by the reality and impact of your surroundings.
Be taken with the architecture.
I think we're superstars,
you say you think we are the best thing.
Get tired.
Very... tired.
Feel the monotony of the meaningless.
Let it take its toll on you.
Mull it over and mope around.
Spend lots of time forming smiles and listening to xylophones.
Find so much comfort in the old pair of converse you never gave much prior thought.
Concern yourself with things like your phone battery dying.
Give yourself way too much time to think.
Songs on repeat.
Be really confused about your own feelings.
And we, we live half in the day time.
And we, live half at night.
Bottle up your frustration.
Research the latent meanings behind your dreams.
Feel as if a thousand pound penny is weighing down on your chest.
Have so many different thoughts that it's hard to know the right thing to say.
Sprawl out on the grass and bask in the sun.
Make sure to close your eyes.
Use each other as shoulder head rests and drift to sleep while watching movies.
Keep breathing. Always keep breathing.
But sometimes you'll forget.
But you, you just know.
You just do.
Hours on end under blanket layers watching Netflix on end.
Hulu too.
Put the windows down and your hair whips the air.
Where we live is a paradise.
Blank out and stare at the same random pattern on your rug.
Think as if you're in the future and retrospect to this moment in time.
Sleep better than ever before.
Worry about what you're going to eat and when, constantly.
Meet so many people and share so many stories.
Learn that worlds overlap, yet your paths still may not cross.
You, you used to have all the answers...
... and you, you still have them too.
Appreciate and capture every single moment you are alone.
Wait,
Wait,
and wait just a bit more.
Go to class and you never have much work.
Think of how to fill up all , this , time.
There's never enough time.
Give lots of cold shoulders and make lots of awkward eye contact.
Walk around and let yourself be awed by the reality and impact of your surroundings.
Be taken with the architecture.
I think we're superstars,
you say you think we are the best thing.
Get tired.
Very... tired.
Feel the monotony of the meaningless.
Let it take its toll on you.
Mull it over and mope around.
Spend lots of time forming smiles and listening to xylophones.
Find so much comfort in the old pair of converse you never gave much prior thought.
Concern yourself with things like your phone battery dying.
Give yourself way too much time to think.
Songs on repeat.
Be really confused about your own feelings.
And we, we live half in the day time.
And we, live half at night.
Bottle up your frustration.
Research the latent meanings behind your dreams.
Feel as if a thousand pound penny is weighing down on your chest.
Have so many different thoughts that it's hard to know the right thing to say.
Sprawl out on the grass and bask in the sun.
Make sure to close your eyes.
Use each other as shoulder head rests and drift to sleep while watching movies.
Keep breathing. Always keep breathing.
But sometimes you'll forget.
But you, you just know.
You just do.
Monday, February 13, 2012
My Secret Spot
I just need a couple hours to myself,
when the weather is nice.
I would go to my secret spot on campus
and eat a banana and pretzels with hummus,
and sit and read my book while listening to nice music.
I would take a break to jot down thoughts and sketch in my journal.
Snap a disposable picture of the scene.
That's all I want, and all that I'll wish for for a while.
I don't think I can handle anything else I thought that I wanted in my life right now.
I think I'm at my breaking point.
when the weather is nice.
I would go to my secret spot on campus
and eat a banana and pretzels with hummus,
and sit and read my book while listening to nice music.
I would take a break to jot down thoughts and sketch in my journal.
Snap a disposable picture of the scene.
That's all I want, and all that I'll wish for for a while.
I don't think I can handle anything else I thought that I wanted in my life right now.
I think I'm at my breaking point.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Caleefornyuh Engleesh
Or starting actually all of last week.
Last week was a great week,
and now that I think about it,
It's all because of this beautiful weather.
Sunshine
shine
shiiiiiiiiiine
Spending last weekend in Santa Barbara made me appreciate California so much.
Breath. Taking. Scenario. Weather. People.
It's a paradise on its own.
I think California offers such basic happiness,
stellar weather that makes everyone happier.
We live in a paradise.
That's why I love Los Angeles; there's something you won't hear me say often.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Feelings
I kept imagining things for myself.
How I saw myself, and how things would be.
I continually edited my imaginations down to every detail, every emotion, every word that would be exchanged.
And these imaginations made me happy just for the moment.
But I was losing myself in fantasies, and bringing myself back feels so much better.
How I saw myself, and how things would be.
I continually edited my imaginations down to every detail, every emotion, every word that would be exchanged.
And these imaginations made me happy just for the moment.
But I was losing myself in fantasies, and bringing myself back feels so much better.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Intoxicated Blogging
Hello!
Intoxicated blogging.
My painting teacher told me today, "Believe what your eyes actually see and tell you, not just what your brain is telling you."
Funny how sometimes, when inebriated, you have moments of such clarity.
The paradoxical effect of clarity, no more.
Everything is so clear, and thankful for it.
Intoxicated blogging.
My painting teacher told me today, "Believe what your eyes actually see and tell you, not just what your brain is telling you."
Funny how sometimes, when inebriated, you have moments of such clarity.
The paradoxical effect of clarity, no more.
Everything is so clear, and thankful for it.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Jonathan Bushman's Photographs
I was hanging out at Jonathan's apartment this weekend and I was really impressed by his macro photographs so I wanted to put them on my blog.
He also taught me a few things on his camera, twas very fun.
These are only a few of my favorites... check em out!!!!!
...and look, it's me in the background!
Awesome photos by Jonathan Bushman!
He also taught me a few things on his camera, twas very fun.
These are only a few of my favorites... check em out!!!!!
...and look, it's me in the background!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Today I am Inspired.
Today was the first time that I felt inspired in a really long time.
As I was walking back to my dorm room from the art school,
it was dark and cold and hardly anyone was out,
I was walking down bloom walk and ahead of me I saw a fallen bike on the side of the walkway,
it had no lock and the basket had broken off clearly in its fall,
most importantly it had no lock and no owner.
It looked way out of place, almost as if someone had tried to steal it and failed.
Honestly I had no intention or even thought to do anything with it; I just saw it approaching ahead as I walked back to my room.
But then there was a guy, a stranger,
who came riding on his longboard towards me and the fallen bike.
without hesitation he hopped off his board and let it skate away from him,
as he walked back to the bike and picked it up and propped it against the railing,
and picked up the basket and reattached it.
And I just felt so inspired.
After feeling so tired and so disappointed at so many PEOPLE this past week,
here was this stranger who went out of his way without any hesitation,
and performed a small, but nonetheless noble random act of kindness.
He could have stolen the fallen bike,
or just like me, could have skated right past it
without the slightest thought to prop it away from the walkway.
There was no one there to watch him, see what he was doing, see the good he was doing.
But it was so clear to him that he would pick it up and try to fix it.
The fallen, abandoned bike.
He then started jogging towards his board which was coming towards me due to his previous momentum.
And at that moment we made eye contact,
we saw each other.
I gave him a knowing smile,
and he gave it right back.
And I have to say,
I am so thankful for today.
Thankful for this inspiration that propels me to do good.
So very thankful.
As I was walking back to my dorm room from the art school,
it was dark and cold and hardly anyone was out,
I was walking down bloom walk and ahead of me I saw a fallen bike on the side of the walkway,
it had no lock and the basket had broken off clearly in its fall,
most importantly it had no lock and no owner.
It looked way out of place, almost as if someone had tried to steal it and failed.
Honestly I had no intention or even thought to do anything with it; I just saw it approaching ahead as I walked back to my room.
But then there was a guy, a stranger,
who came riding on his longboard towards me and the fallen bike.
without hesitation he hopped off his board and let it skate away from him,
as he walked back to the bike and picked it up and propped it against the railing,
and picked up the basket and reattached it.
And I just felt so inspired.
After feeling so tired and so disappointed at so many PEOPLE this past week,
here was this stranger who went out of his way without any hesitation,
and performed a small, but nonetheless noble random act of kindness.
He could have stolen the fallen bike,
or just like me, could have skated right past it
without the slightest thought to prop it away from the walkway.
There was no one there to watch him, see what he was doing, see the good he was doing.
But it was so clear to him that he would pick it up and try to fix it.
The fallen, abandoned bike.
He then started jogging towards his board which was coming towards me due to his previous momentum.
And at that moment we made eye contact,
we saw each other.
I gave him a knowing smile,
and he gave it right back.
And I have to say,
I am so thankful for today.
Thankful for this inspiration that propels me to do good.
So very thankful.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
이렇게.
오늘은 왠지 힘들다.
피곤해.
요즘은 피곤하단 생각 밖에 안 들다.
특별하게 한것도 없는데...
생각할 것이 많다.
계속 걸으면서 생각.
하루 종일 생각.
매일 생각.
잠와... 눈이 감긴다.
좋은 밤, 좋은 꿈 꿔 쓰면 좋겟다.
피곤해.
요즘은 피곤하단 생각 밖에 안 들다.
특별하게 한것도 없는데...
생각할 것이 많다.
계속 걸으면서 생각.
하루 종일 생각.
매일 생각.
잠와... 눈이 감긴다.
좋은 밤, 좋은 꿈 꿔 쓰면 좋겟다.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away.
I am exhausted .
Only too many things I want to say,
but not sure how to word correctly,
and really don't want to get it wrong.
Finding difficulty how to express,
keep deleting lines I type,
so know that lots of thought went into this.
I am a very sensitive person,
and I put up a very good front,
but I'm very tired.
Only too many things I want to say,
but not sure how to word correctly,
and really don't want to get it wrong.
Finding difficulty how to express,
keep deleting lines I type,
so know that lots of thought went into this.
I am a very sensitive person,
and I put up a very good front,
but I'm very tired.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
NIETZSCHE
It's the start of a new semester! I've had this particular blog post as a draft for a while now and never really got around to finishing it, but I figured now would be a good time to complete it.
I was on twitter during the break looking at Nietzsche Quotes and I read so many good quotes that I really loved and stood out to me. Just wanted to share.
"Faith: not wanting to know what is true."
I think the mind is always about self preservation. In fact I think all that we do is to protect ourselves from harm's way. I read this quote and it made me really confused and mixed up. Because if this is true, then everything is just so morbid really. That the truth will always disappoint us, and that the things we hold strong faith and confidence in, are actually just our greatest denials.
"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
Hope in the moment of all things is maybe one of the greatest things because it helps us continue on, but I think most of the time we use hope as an excuse to keep holding on to things that we should just let go.
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Whenever I think about anything it seems so right and so simple, and I feel like words always mess it up. Even now I'm having a hard time describing this quote. Today in painting class we were learning about hues and how pure colors and pigments were, and I feel like with words you can never truly achieve the real pigment of the thought. The closest you'll get is a cheaper imitation pigment of an explanation.
"He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either."
You can't feel things through experiences that you theorize; I just don't think it's possible. You can get really close to it, but I don't think it could compare. The difference between sympathizing and empathizing.
"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."
I feel like I do this a lot. When it comes down to it, I have conversations with best friends and just friends alike, I say things, talk about myself, but often times it's a front we all create. Obviously there's truth to what I say, but again words get in the way and the forms we describe ourselves in can vastly change the way others view us.
"Words are but symbols for the relations of things to one another and to us; nowhere do they touch upon absolute truth."
I feel like most of these quotes have come back to words. Maybe it's because I find it hard to describe exactly what I'm thinking or feeling. I feel like maybe that's why I enjoy having a blog because even though things may not come out exactly how I want, I can try to explain and express myself continuously and say whatever I want anytime. It's harder when talking to people because I start to worry if other's are understanding what I'm saying. On blog, I don't really have to worry about it cause I blog for myself.
I was on twitter during the break looking at Nietzsche Quotes and I read so many good quotes that I really loved and stood out to me. Just wanted to share.
"Faith: not wanting to know what is true."
I think the mind is always about self preservation. In fact I think all that we do is to protect ourselves from harm's way. I read this quote and it made me really confused and mixed up. Because if this is true, then everything is just so morbid really. That the truth will always disappoint us, and that the things we hold strong faith and confidence in, are actually just our greatest denials.
"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
Hope in the moment of all things is maybe one of the greatest things because it helps us continue on, but I think most of the time we use hope as an excuse to keep holding on to things that we should just let go.
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Whenever I think about anything it seems so right and so simple, and I feel like words always mess it up. Even now I'm having a hard time describing this quote. Today in painting class we were learning about hues and how pure colors and pigments were, and I feel like with words you can never truly achieve the real pigment of the thought. The closest you'll get is a cheaper imitation pigment of an explanation.
"He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either."
You can't feel things through experiences that you theorize; I just don't think it's possible. You can get really close to it, but I don't think it could compare. The difference between sympathizing and empathizing.
"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."
I feel like I do this a lot. When it comes down to it, I have conversations with best friends and just friends alike, I say things, talk about myself, but often times it's a front we all create. Obviously there's truth to what I say, but again words get in the way and the forms we describe ourselves in can vastly change the way others view us.
"Words are but symbols for the relations of things to one another and to us; nowhere do they touch upon absolute truth."
I feel like most of these quotes have come back to words. Maybe it's because I find it hard to describe exactly what I'm thinking or feeling. I feel like maybe that's why I enjoy having a blog because even though things may not come out exactly how I want, I can try to explain and express myself continuously and say whatever I want anytime. It's harder when talking to people because I start to worry if other's are understanding what I'm saying. On blog, I don't really have to worry about it cause I blog for myself.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
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