I think its the fact that i can't go run today. Running has a therapeutic effect, I feel like all the stresses of the day are released, my blood flowing. The fresh air, the burning of my lungs.
All I can do today is sit in depressing lighting cause it's so god damn cloudy outside; im eating my weights worth in bread and soymilk, I have too much time to think about unimportant things. I feel like im trapped in a little container. Which I guess I am in a sense.
I need to find me some earphones for tomorrow. And semi waterproof clothes that I can hide behind. Words cannot describe just how much I hate rain.
Im so sick of everyone at school, EVERYONE. There is not a single person that I wouldn't mind a vacation from. Times like this I wish I could click a refresh button and school would be filled with all new people.
I can't stay in this house anymore. I would go on a run in the rain, but im already sick and I don't want to die.
I need to know what college in going to already. Im so sick of waiting. Im sick of school, my classes, the people in my class. I can't do school anymore. Some people say the dumbest shit in class and it makes me want to bash my head into the shitty macbooks we use in apes everyday, even though im not gonna lie I act like a total retard dipshit. But I swear its only cause I really don't give a flying fuck about anyone at school or anything pertaining to lchs. And acting like a dipshit makes the day go by faster.
I think I analyze everything too much. I think too much in general. And I think I like moping alot. And feeling sorry for myself. I don't think I connect with anyone that I know while heartedly and completely. There are bits and parts of me that i find in so many different people, but its never a big enough amount for me to grab onto that person. I get sick of everyone too easily and I feel like they get sick if me too. I used to think I was super dependent on other people, and maybe I am, but lately I can't agree with anyone. I've been friends with alot of the people I know for a long time, but we've grown apart. The only thing that keeps us being friends is the fact that we've been friends for so long; mutual respect.
I can't wait till im not an angsty teenager anymore. And I can't wait till I go to college and *hopefully* find people that I can relate to on a better basis. I can't wait till it stops raining so that I can go running.
I need to find a new outlet. So im gonna start learning how to make clothes this semester. A new project to keep me occupied on shitty ads days like these when I can't go outside and run.
So all I have to say to this day is f u and f your rain that is flooding my backyard.
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