so...busy.

It's been a long weekend..very long. There were some good moments and some terribly bad.
Friday, hmm section leader service project spray painted the lockers in the band hallway, doesn't look terribly good but o well :)
PINKBERRY WITH KIWI AND MOCHI FOREVER <3333
Continued to read my book, Drop Dead Beautiful. It's great, but a little violent, a little graphic.

Saturday..o boy..woke up at 7.. running around the house looking for my choir t-shirt..didn't have time to take a shower, just like always didn't know what to d with my hair, got told by my mom that i have uneven eyes and that my makeup looked like shit..drove to torrence in a car full of little kids...got lost on the way..got to the church where my choir was practicing ate a thousand mini blueberry muffins and gained 2384729385 calories.
The upside is i got to meet Yuri from Kaba Modern! She was choreographing one of our musical songs, but even that was annoying, i felt embarrassed doing it..lol
This little boy in my choir, Nicholas, is the cutest thing i've ever seen. We're buds.
 Then got back home early from practice and went for a picnic with audgwey with some trader joe's food :)) such a nice day! Then went to americana and shopped around a bit with audge..
Jack Hale's dj party...well his jams were nice, but the night was just such a shit show. Why does this stuff always happen to me? Hence the reason why I don't go to parties anymore.

Sunday...LOLS who knew Koreans had two birthdays? Or my just my mom does..? Anyways it was her birthday today (even though it was actually on may 6th..). But i went to the NCL fashion show for my beautiful friends WHO STRUTTED THEIR STUFF WOO! I felt soo out of place...hahah soo white...asians don't do that sort of thing...HAHA. Anyway soon as i got home i had to change and leave yet again for dinner and movies which was fun!

sigh...im so tired...got absolutely no homework done today..i guess i'll just do it during start testing time tomorrow... :/
sorry this blogpost was the most pointles thing i have ever written...lol..

fuck prom me and claire and gonna go do something epic-ly fantastic instead..hotel room? on the beach? ;P

ahd and p.s. kang dong won is flippin SHMEXAY..aka new lover? i'll put him right next to josh hartnett :)

I want these shoes. and Palladium boots..i'm going through a shoe obsession phase...


I WISH THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY CRAPPY HAIR FML

Superfine [Step Aside] -Drunken Tiger- Feel Ghood Muzic: The 8th Wonder

You know, I would like if the weather were nicer.
There's so many other things that I would like, too. Like a functioning light switch in my bedroom, perhaps some new light bulbs in my bathroom, an agenda that I didn't lose everyday, a pink sweater. A bike would be nice.

I just really wish that the weather were nicer. I wish I knew something about basketball. All the Laker's fans seem to have so much fun following the games, but really, I have no interest, all I know is that Kobe is better looking than Lebron. Thus, I have jumped onto the bandwagon and become a Lakers fan.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this.

There are so many other things that I want in addition, some things may be attainable, others, not so much. Or at least, they're out of my reach. Today after thinking about all the things I wanted, I made a mental list in my head and checked it twice. All I can say after thinking it over in my head, is since when have I become so shallow? When did I start caring about all this useless shit that fills my mind day in and day out? "It's ok to be happy~" are the lyrics to the song I'm listening to, but why am I making that so hard by caring about these kinds of things? I miss myself even just a year ago. Or more, I miss the fact that these superficial thoughts never even used to enter my mind. It was fun that way, it was loving that way, it was easier that way, it was better that way.

At the same time though, can I really say that what this past year has done to me, is all that bad? In some aspects, yes, definitely junior year has become a bad influence. In other ways, was it just an opportunity to find my real self? Is this even my real self? All I really can differentiate is that back then I really didn't give a shit. Now, I do. About too much. I've become an observer instead of a do-er. An introvert? But even keeping all of this in mind, I do have to thank what these new changes have brought to me. I've found new passions, I've taken a deeper look into what my future holds for me, I've found friends along the way. 

I've come to appreciate my family much more this year. As well as my culture. That's one thing I'm thankful for. I like being daddy's little girl. I like talking with my mom even though she's more like the teenage daughter and me the mom. I secretly like when my brother comes home from college, and I would always go out to lunch or dinner with him if he asks even if I'd eaten literally half an hour earlier.

I think that if I saw myself a year ago, how I am now, I would cringe and laugh at myself. Look at me, what a cheeseball, writing a silly blog that hardly anyone reads, blogging about useless, selfish shit, listening to fucking kpop. We're talking about a girl who used to ask "What's a GDragon? Is that a Tamagotchi?" A girl who hardly, really barely, knew how to read and write korean, and whose korean speaking skills were digressing by the day. A girl who used to listen to indie 103 (before it got shut down) and kroq, instead of kiis fm and amp radio. A girl who used to go to the Warped Tour, and not some Kpop concert at the Hollywood Bowl. In fact, we're talking about a girl that used to make fun of girls like me now. Like it's actually just funny. & as much as I hate how shallow I have become, and even though I miss my approach to my life a year ago,  I don't think I'd ever want to go back.

This entry was supposed to be about how I wished that the weather were nicer, but I got off an a bit of a tangent.
I really wish the weather were nicer. I'll keep that as my only wish and want; I'll clear my list of superficial "needs" for now. Some self reflection is good for everyone. 

And just one last time just because I really do want it, I wish the weather were nicer.

Teehee blogging off my phone? It's a first. Sitting in Williams's room....study sesh for psych kids that are taking the exam which I am nottt. Listening to my pooh bear playlist on my ipod with audge podge :) I love owl city, taylor swift, michael buble, and my other cheesy girly music :)))))

HOLY S**T!

I'm so tired of my life..so boring..
It funny how I probably live in one of the most interesting cities in the world.
No, not La Cañada. Los Angeles!
It really bugs me when middle aged, pushy, caked on makeup, fashion terrorists work at places like Forever21. I mean as someone who is there to assist you, not a person high up there.
Because i mean...its Forever TWENTY ONE.

IPHONE 4G?!?!?!! if the pictures i saw of them are the real THANG, then I'm so, truly excited to get one! If not, then i'm still excited to get one! Check out the pictures if you'd likeee :) :http://gizmodo.com/5520155/gal-1/gallery/
Cept for i would want it in white! awww its so pretty it kind of looks like a korean phone~ ㅋㅋㅋ ^^

I keep getting this feeling of dread at the bottom of my stomach, and like a thud in my heart...I really havnt the slightest clue why...i have a bad feeling i have something important coming up...and i just can't remember? and im gonna be effed up the ddonggomong? eff.....

I almost got army pants and flip flops today..but only cause i saw regina george wearing army pants and flip flops....no but really, i almost did get army pants and flip flops...does this say something about my fashion sense? It just got awkward. dgaf, i dress the way i want!
Sometimes I hate shopping with my mom. She lowers my self confidence by 23878489058.
And I also hate half-ass Starbucks workers.

Time to get on a serious start on the -15, but it looks like i'll have to start on monday...mother's day is tomorrow and no way am i going to be able to start -15 with that...its great because me and my mom are fighting right? >.<

오늘은 피곤하다.. 기분도 꿀꿀 하고.. ㅠ.ㅠ
배고픔 -.- 하지만 집에서는 먹을게 없어...대박 짜증나.. >.<
나 한국말 잘하지용?? ㅋㅋ ^^
아ㅏㅏㅏ 나 몰라..그냥 대학 갈래..
아이고~~피곤하다~~~~


I'm feeling the need more and more to show my korean skillage. Maybe so that people won't be shocked when they find out that i can ACTUALLY SPEAK READ AND WRITE KOREAN?? *GASP! :o  Look at the picture..Seoul..so trendy. bahaha. i need to stop being so asian.

AP...My inner asian.

나 지금 AP 시험 때문에 죽갰다ㅏㅏㅏ ㅠ.ㅠ
자고 싶어용~~ >.<

I'm so impressed with myself to be able to write this.
off to study, i just wasted eight minutes trying to type this. fml

anxiety

I had an anxiety attack...so i deactivated my facebook & formspring. i really just need to get my shit together..
everything was so planned and set, until now.. its all falling apart and i'm not exactly sure what to do anymore...
i need to concentrate on school, i need to move to new york, i need to finish my portfolio, i need to bring up grades, i need to...
the stress is building, and i hate feeling insecure.
There are just some things that i wish i could do, but there are so many things stopping me from doing it.
I hate this feeling, i want to cry.
I'm more motivated this time around.. but it's putting me into a mental state that is driving me crazy. I want to rewind.
I wish i were born a different person?
All of this has set in such a wrong direction..not suited for my life, or is it ?
And it's come at the worst year, the worst week. I feel like my time is slipping away and I just want to go back to being in sixth grade...
AP exams are nearing, and i just can't focus, this constant feeling of anxiety and stress is so frustrating. APUSH is freaking me out..my mind is an empty slate, i'm blanking on everything...
I'm really stressed about making my portfolio...I'm questioning whether i want to go to an art school..but it's not like I could get into any other school.
Family..that's another story..another worry..I wonder what life would have been like if i had been born & raised in korea like the majority of my family? would i be a good little girl? a good student? a good daughter? a good sister?
It's hard to please everyone around and yourself, so I'm choosing to do only one from now on.
Majority rules, right?
I'm fed up with it, i wish i were a perfect person.