.

I can't do this.
my dog ran away today.
and my mid year reports are due soon and none of the forms are working for me.
finals.
makeup work.
home exams.
college apps.

i want to cry i just want my dog to come home.

please

say hi to I LIKE TO FORK MYSELF

walcott fuck the women from well fleet

being sick is such an odd process...like you can't move cause your in pain, can't swallow cause your throats sore,
can't go to school cause you'll infect others, can watch tv

all effing day

but then your eyes get tired, and your tired of lying down on one side
so you roll over
but then you can watch tv, so you sleep
but you've been sleeping all day
FOR THE PAST WEEK
antibiotics are fun to take
when they're in that little package and your assigned two the first day
and one each following day
MAKE SURE TO TAKE AT SAME TIME EACH DAY

being sick is weird; a week has passed and all you've done is watch tv and sleep
and a week goes but it feels like two days




you don't miss food at all even though you hardly eat it. you just want to sleep even though thats all you do

walcott don't know you know that its insane
HEED MY WORDS AND TAKE FLEET

orange is a good color. its a healthy color. its the color of vitamin c. and the sun kinda, and kinda like terracotta, and earth
but its also the color of prison jumpsuits
and neon signs
and warning labels. sometimes

such opposite things

but orange is a healthy color.



i recommend this blog.
for... http://iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com/
thoughts and pictures and irony
if you don't mind reading a dead girls blog


walcott all the way to new jersey all the way to the garden state out of cape cod tonight

I just want today to end.

I need another story, something to get off my chest.

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
Imma tell you everything.

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, All my secrets away.

I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I feel sick. Tired and sick. And cranky.
But OneRepublic always puts me in a weird mood. Their songs make me sad; I feel like I'm in Garden State whenever I listen. The flood is coming back, but how do I push it away again?
The end is coming so soon, but it hasn't even started yet.
Sometimes I wonder if you did all this to me. You played your part.
I'm so silly.
My life is getting so boring, yet scary.
There really is something about every single one of OneRepublic's songs. I can't put my finger on it.. but the melody.. in every single song reminds me of something, makes me nostalgic.. but I can't remember what. Whatever it is, it puts me in such a strange mood.
Like being depressed. Important. Uplifted. Invisible.
I wish I didn't get tired running; I wish I didn't get cramps or run out of breath. Because the feeling of running, of breathing the cold air through your noise, out your mouth, your legs moving on auto pilot, feels so good. It makes everything better. Like the time when I came home from my flute lesson in seventh grade after my teacher told me she was moving away.
I was..surprised.
And sad.
So I ran.
I walked out the house in my jeans and sandals and ran up the hill, around the second neighborhood, around my neighborhood. I didn't get tired. So I kept running.
I made my way home as it got dark, running.
Ran through the garage into the house, ran to my room, and plopped myself down on my bed. I felt better.

I think I should stop listening to OneRepublic.

To have hope...like a silver lining on a cloud...what does it amount to?
Why does it come to those, and not others?
Why is it that the person who needs it the most has no hope for a better day?
Why can't I give that person hope? The person I would give anything for, why not hope?

And then there are those where I thought they had it. Were they pretending to protect the ones that they love? Providing all they could in the best way they can?
Do they really have hope, or are they just better at masking the fear.

There are things I wish I didn't do, things I wish I could take back, things I wish didn't happen.
They say that hardship hits you all at once, but I never thought it would hit the people I love the most this hard.
It made me feel angry, but it quickly made me embarassed of myself.
Don't take what you have for granted.
I love you with all my heart umma and appa.

Reflecions. Mulan status, REFLECTIONS.

Ughh...the end of school is always the toughest..
I don't feel like doing anything..i just want to go awayyyyy

I think its JUNIOR YEAR REFLECTION TIME.
Well, I definitely could have tried harder this year, but what good is it, when i know what i want to do, where i want to go, and grades aren't important in helping me get there?
I've definitely toned down the hanging out and socializing all the time.
I've hit a long period in which i couldn't think of anything in art and i didnt want to go..but im slowly getting over that obstacle.
I like to think i sort of rediscovered family. or reconnected?
I need to be more thankful. and more responsible. and less selfish.
Be more observant to those around you.
work and play harder
I feel like this year, i really just did what i wanted. and that makes me happy.

Regardless, I want to disapear. i want to be the girl in the picture at that moment. the fountains are so pretty :)
I would like to walk around in a beautiful city.
i wish i had another chance to walk the streets of madrid.
i wish i had another chance to walk the streets of seoul and actually appreciate it this time round.
Sometime i wish i had made better decisions this year, but what better decisions were there? Maybe i just things had been different, period.
I need to stop being a drama queen inside my mind.
and in other aspects, i need to be more of a drama queen.
I wish i were girlier. and i wish i felt comfortable in skirts. Summer is going to have a couple rough patches. i don't even want to think about it, cause every time i do, i get a sinking feeling in my chest. 
You know, crying is good for the soul, and the body as well. It's good to take time and let it out. Whoa~ getting too emotional!
I always think what if, what if i were born as a different person? what if i had been born in a different town?! how would my life be like now? would i be more thankful for the things i have, or would i be the same? or worse?
I'm terribly afraid for next year. and rejection. from colleges. and people. But its all a part of the process isnt it? I hate losing. Especially when its one way. it can make some one feel so insignificant, forget what you have, and how fortunate you are.
But i would like to say that I think i spent Junior year better than several others, even though i did stupid things. I made smart decisions as well.

I tried to be less annoying this year haha :D Hopefully i calmed down a bit.
Not gonna lie, i was dumb, and immature, and hopeless previous years (not that im not now) but i think it got better this year. i hope. and i hope senior year i'll be smart on my decisions, make them wisely.

I want next year to be one that i won't forget! filled with all sorts of wonderful and all sorts of nasty :)

@Art at the moment...another phone blogpost :) taking a break from my new piece. I've been having good days at art, I feel like I'm actually getting work done and at a good pace.
-15 has really got to kick in, running the rosebowl today. I need to get new running shoes, ones that won't make my feet miserable T_T.

So busy these days...feeling the pressure of my portfolio, grades, projects, tests, choir rehersals for the haiti concert, constant art, SAT IIs, -15/-20, my skin sucks dick, social retardation setting in.... Sighh~
I really can't stand being at school anymore...every class goes by way too slow, nothing to look forward to, too many assignments to turn in, too many tests to study for...

Just waiting for summer, waiting for the freedom, waiting for the time, waiting to DO WHATEVER THE FUNK I WANT!

What a long blackberry BLOGGR entry...back to my art, nude class is about to start~

so...busy.

It's been a long weekend..very long. There were some good moments and some terribly bad.
Friday, hmm section leader service project spray painted the lockers in the band hallway, doesn't look terribly good but o well :)
PINKBERRY WITH KIWI AND MOCHI FOREVER <3333
Continued to read my book, Drop Dead Beautiful. It's great, but a little violent, a little graphic.

Saturday..o boy..woke up at 7.. running around the house looking for my choir t-shirt..didn't have time to take a shower, just like always didn't know what to d with my hair, got told by my mom that i have uneven eyes and that my makeup looked like shit..drove to torrence in a car full of little kids...got lost on the way..got to the church where my choir was practicing ate a thousand mini blueberry muffins and gained 2384729385 calories.
The upside is i got to meet Yuri from Kaba Modern! She was choreographing one of our musical songs, but even that was annoying, i felt embarrassed doing it..lol
This little boy in my choir, Nicholas, is the cutest thing i've ever seen. We're buds.
 Then got back home early from practice and went for a picnic with audgwey with some trader joe's food :)) such a nice day! Then went to americana and shopped around a bit with audge..
Jack Hale's dj party...well his jams were nice, but the night was just such a shit show. Why does this stuff always happen to me? Hence the reason why I don't go to parties anymore.

Sunday...LOLS who knew Koreans had two birthdays? Or my just my mom does..? Anyways it was her birthday today (even though it was actually on may 6th..). But i went to the NCL fashion show for my beautiful friends WHO STRUTTED THEIR STUFF WOO! I felt soo out of place...hahah soo white...asians don't do that sort of thing...HAHA. Anyway soon as i got home i had to change and leave yet again for dinner and movies which was fun!

sigh...im so tired...got absolutely no homework done today..i guess i'll just do it during start testing time tomorrow... :/
sorry this blogpost was the most pointles thing i have ever written...lol..

fuck prom me and claire and gonna go do something epic-ly fantastic instead..hotel room? on the beach? ;P

ahd and p.s. kang dong won is flippin SHMEXAY..aka new lover? i'll put him right next to josh hartnett :)

I want these shoes. and Palladium boots..i'm going through a shoe obsession phase...


I WISH THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY CRAPPY HAIR FML

Superfine [Step Aside] -Drunken Tiger- Feel Ghood Muzic: The 8th Wonder

You know, I would like if the weather were nicer.
There's so many other things that I would like, too. Like a functioning light switch in my bedroom, perhaps some new light bulbs in my bathroom, an agenda that I didn't lose everyday, a pink sweater. A bike would be nice.

I just really wish that the weather were nicer. I wish I knew something about basketball. All the Laker's fans seem to have so much fun following the games, but really, I have no interest, all I know is that Kobe is better looking than Lebron. Thus, I have jumped onto the bandwagon and become a Lakers fan.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this.

There are so many other things that I want in addition, some things may be attainable, others, not so much. Or at least, they're out of my reach. Today after thinking about all the things I wanted, I made a mental list in my head and checked it twice. All I can say after thinking it over in my head, is since when have I become so shallow? When did I start caring about all this useless shit that fills my mind day in and day out? "It's ok to be happy~" are the lyrics to the song I'm listening to, but why am I making that so hard by caring about these kinds of things? I miss myself even just a year ago. Or more, I miss the fact that these superficial thoughts never even used to enter my mind. It was fun that way, it was loving that way, it was easier that way, it was better that way.

At the same time though, can I really say that what this past year has done to me, is all that bad? In some aspects, yes, definitely junior year has become a bad influence. In other ways, was it just an opportunity to find my real self? Is this even my real self? All I really can differentiate is that back then I really didn't give a shit. Now, I do. About too much. I've become an observer instead of a do-er. An introvert? But even keeping all of this in mind, I do have to thank what these new changes have brought to me. I've found new passions, I've taken a deeper look into what my future holds for me, I've found friends along the way. 

I've come to appreciate my family much more this year. As well as my culture. That's one thing I'm thankful for. I like being daddy's little girl. I like talking with my mom even though she's more like the teenage daughter and me the mom. I secretly like when my brother comes home from college, and I would always go out to lunch or dinner with him if he asks even if I'd eaten literally half an hour earlier.

I think that if I saw myself a year ago, how I am now, I would cringe and laugh at myself. Look at me, what a cheeseball, writing a silly blog that hardly anyone reads, blogging about useless, selfish shit, listening to fucking kpop. We're talking about a girl who used to ask "What's a GDragon? Is that a Tamagotchi?" A girl who hardly, really barely, knew how to read and write korean, and whose korean speaking skills were digressing by the day. A girl who used to listen to indie 103 (before it got shut down) and kroq, instead of kiis fm and amp radio. A girl who used to go to the Warped Tour, and not some Kpop concert at the Hollywood Bowl. In fact, we're talking about a girl that used to make fun of girls like me now. Like it's actually just funny. & as much as I hate how shallow I have become, and even though I miss my approach to my life a year ago,  I don't think I'd ever want to go back.

This entry was supposed to be about how I wished that the weather were nicer, but I got off an a bit of a tangent.
I really wish the weather were nicer. I'll keep that as my only wish and want; I'll clear my list of superficial "needs" for now. Some self reflection is good for everyone. 

And just one last time just because I really do want it, I wish the weather were nicer.

Teehee blogging off my phone? It's a first. Sitting in Williams's room....study sesh for psych kids that are taking the exam which I am nottt. Listening to my pooh bear playlist on my ipod with audge podge :) I love owl city, taylor swift, michael buble, and my other cheesy girly music :)))))