To have hope...like a silver lining on a cloud...what does it amount to?
Why does it come to those, and not others?
Why is it that the person who needs it the most has no hope for a better day?
Why can't I give that person hope? The person I would give anything for, why not hope?

And then there are those where I thought they had it. Were they pretending to protect the ones that they love? Providing all they could in the best way they can?
Do they really have hope, or are they just better at masking the fear.

There are things I wish I didn't do, things I wish I could take back, things I wish didn't happen.
They say that hardship hits you all at once, but I never thought it would hit the people I love the most this hard.
It made me feel angry, but it quickly made me embarassed of myself.
Don't take what you have for granted.
I love you with all my heart umma and appa.

Reflecions. Mulan status, REFLECTIONS.

Ughh...the end of school is always the toughest..
I don't feel like doing anything..i just want to go awayyyyy

I think its JUNIOR YEAR REFLECTION TIME.
Well, I definitely could have tried harder this year, but what good is it, when i know what i want to do, where i want to go, and grades aren't important in helping me get there?
I've definitely toned down the hanging out and socializing all the time.
I've hit a long period in which i couldn't think of anything in art and i didnt want to go..but im slowly getting over that obstacle.
I like to think i sort of rediscovered family. or reconnected?
I need to be more thankful. and more responsible. and less selfish.
Be more observant to those around you.
work and play harder
I feel like this year, i really just did what i wanted. and that makes me happy.

Regardless, I want to disapear. i want to be the girl in the picture at that moment. the fountains are so pretty :)
I would like to walk around in a beautiful city.
i wish i had another chance to walk the streets of madrid.
i wish i had another chance to walk the streets of seoul and actually appreciate it this time round.
Sometime i wish i had made better decisions this year, but what better decisions were there? Maybe i just things had been different, period.
I need to stop being a drama queen inside my mind.
and in other aspects, i need to be more of a drama queen.
I wish i were girlier. and i wish i felt comfortable in skirts. Summer is going to have a couple rough patches. i don't even want to think about it, cause every time i do, i get a sinking feeling in my chest. 
You know, crying is good for the soul, and the body as well. It's good to take time and let it out. Whoa~ getting too emotional!
I always think what if, what if i were born as a different person? what if i had been born in a different town?! how would my life be like now? would i be more thankful for the things i have, or would i be the same? or worse?
I'm terribly afraid for next year. and rejection. from colleges. and people. But its all a part of the process isnt it? I hate losing. Especially when its one way. it can make some one feel so insignificant, forget what you have, and how fortunate you are.
But i would like to say that I think i spent Junior year better than several others, even though i did stupid things. I made smart decisions as well.

I tried to be less annoying this year haha :D Hopefully i calmed down a bit.
Not gonna lie, i was dumb, and immature, and hopeless previous years (not that im not now) but i think it got better this year. i hope. and i hope senior year i'll be smart on my decisions, make them wisely.

I want next year to be one that i won't forget! filled with all sorts of wonderful and all sorts of nasty :)

@Art at the moment...another phone blogpost :) taking a break from my new piece. I've been having good days at art, I feel like I'm actually getting work done and at a good pace.
-15 has really got to kick in, running the rosebowl today. I need to get new running shoes, ones that won't make my feet miserable T_T.

So busy these days...feeling the pressure of my portfolio, grades, projects, tests, choir rehersals for the haiti concert, constant art, SAT IIs, -15/-20, my skin sucks dick, social retardation setting in.... Sighh~
I really can't stand being at school anymore...every class goes by way too slow, nothing to look forward to, too many assignments to turn in, too many tests to study for...

Just waiting for summer, waiting for the freedom, waiting for the time, waiting to DO WHATEVER THE FUNK I WANT!

What a long blackberry BLOGGR entry...back to my art, nude class is about to start~